The Road Home

Where two fabulous women spill most of their beans.

8.28.2003

Every morning this week, and last week, I've come to work, and had to sort through all the contaminated emails, the ones with viruses, the forwards, all that crap. A couple of mornings, there have been 200 emails in my box, and only about 40 that I need. Well, I get to work today, and there's only 10 messages in the box. I kinda felt rejected.
But, to make my life an easier place to be this week, Julia and I have found a new place to live. We had till September 1st to get out of the old place, and after MANY days of stress and driving all over the damn county, EUREKA!!!!! It's a killer townhouse. It's not far from work for her and I, it's got a doggie door for our baby, Mapache, and this is the best part....each buliding has a different theme. One is cute country, with whiskey barrels, and milk cans, one is antique, with metal signs, and weathered wood trim, one (which is great) is New Orleans style, with metal railing around the balconies, fashly masks hanging on the outside of the buliding, a fountain, and lots of vines growing everywhere. The one we're going for is the Wichita Estate, it's all western. It's perfect, it looks much like the set of an old "shoot em up" movie. There are lots of paned glass, big shutters that look like barn doors, heavy wooden benches outside, even the inside of the place is decorated western and rustic. It's great for us, because that's our theme anyway. My HUGE Texas Flag will look amazing hangin on the wall, I've got some killer ideas for some end tables. It's getting clse to the end of the summer, and the half whickey barrels are pretty cheap right now. I want to pick up a couple of them, turn them upside down, and place a round piece of glass on top, maybe decorating with some playing cards, dice, and bottle tops between the glass and the bottom the barrel ( does that make sense) There's a real nice open bar where I can get some rustic bar stools, and the manditory fresh flowers at all time, some big red rugs for the kitchen...oooo, it'll be grand.

8.26.2003

ooo, interview bloggin!!! I'm sorry that I don't have time to jump on that wagon, but it's BUSY right now. We have the corporate guys in town to tell us how bad we SUCK right now, and it's a little depressing to say the least. It's high heels and blazers as opposed to my jeans and t-shirts, and I have to act like I give a shit what someone from half way across the country thinks of our show, which of course they don't listen to. ahghag, a little frustration bulid up.
To make it better, I had an ABFAB weekend with my man, and it was so special, I'm not going to share the details, it's sweet and romantic, and keeps a smile on my face this week.

8.25.2003

Well, I have joined the masses in the blog interview game. Sweet Jezebel sent me some ab fab questions, just as I knew she would!

If you would like to play along and have me interview you....the following rules apply:

1. If you want to participate, leave me a comment saying "interview me."
2. I will respond by asking you five questions - each person's will be different.
3. You will update your journal with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview others in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

QUESTIONS:
1. Once married, does the axiom, "What happens on vacation, stays on vacation" still hold true?
This most definitely holds true. My husband and I have done things on vacation that I have never told anybody! Ok, I might share some of the adventures with you for the right price!! ;)
2. Will carrying a "magic wand" along with a tiara increase "the tiara effect" on men, or will they just think I'm nuts?
It’s been my experience that men think women are nuts anyways. I think the magic wand will be an added appeal. Just think of all the ‘tricks’ you could show them with your wand!
3. Do you have more or less sex now that you are married?
We have about the same amount. We go through spells of tons and tons and then the next week none at all. It has a lot to do with me, and my moods/hormones which are always a little screwy (always have been). I don’t think that we have lost an ounce of passion for each other and the sex is better now than it ever was. It helps that we try to do different things and things we’ve never done before to keep things exciting. At the same time its nice not to have to explain what you like to a new person all the time. This one knows that when I do such and such if he does such and such I will see fireworks and land in a new orbit.
4. Target or Walmart?
I prefer Target, of course. The Todd Oldham home designs and the Michael Hargrave accessories leave me moist for such great prices! AND they have come out with Isaac’s clothing designs for this fall for dirt cheap that I am very excited about. Being that I live not only in the south where EVERY friggin town has a Walmart I live about 20 miles from Bentonville, Arkansas – the corporate headquarters of Walmart. This means that they have a much larger product lines that they are testing and better selection so it is not quite as trashy as the usual Walmart.
5. When playing house when you were eight, did you get to be the mommy or the daddy?
We usually didn’t play house, we usually played restaurant. Me and the other two girls didn’t have a whole lot of maternal instict I guess. We had it set in our heads already that we were going to be career women. When we did bring out the cabbage patch dolls we were suppose to be mothering it was always nap time for them. I have two step children now, one has 3 kids all under the age of five and nobody knows what happened to the other girl we used to play with. I think she joined a cult and never came back. I hope that wasn’t our influence!!!

8.24.2003

To new beginnings

I sent my step-son to college yesterday and am still dealing with it. This is a boy that I have seen almost every day for the past seven years. He is my son in almost every sense of the word. About six years ago I promised to be the best mother I could to him after his biological Mom pretty much deserted him. It was one of those late nights, about 2 in the morning and I was up pacing the floor because I can be a bit of an insomniac. I heard him in his room, so I knew he was awake. I also knew that he was upset that his Mother fell through on yet another promise to him. This time it was she was suppose to pick him up and take him on a weekend vacation. Well, she made it to the vacation and called him and told him she completly forgot that she was suppose to pick him up and take him too. She ended up taking her flavor of the moment... He was of course crushed and she left us (my husband and I) to pick up the pieces. I decided on a whim that I would go get him out of his room and we would make chocolate chip cookies at 2 am. I finally talked him into the kitchen and got him to talk/cry it out. It was that night that he asked me to be his Mom, he knew he needed one and he knew that the other was not up to the job. I promised him that I would do the best I could. I think I have. He has come to me with every problem under the sun. I’ve talked to him about drinking, drugs, sex, you name it. I taught him to respect women, the ones that deserved it and don’t give the time of day to the women that don’t deserve respect. I taught him how to control his temper (he hasn’t always succeeded on that one, and I have a few holes in my walls to prove it) but he tries hard. I helped to teach him dedication and motivation, even though he hasn’t perfected those, who has? Without fail he has done one thing right for the past six years, he’s done the RIGHT thing. When the chips were down and he had so many options to take a cheap cop out he did the RIGHT thing. It hurt some, including himself but he did it, because he knew it was RIGHT. That is the kind of integrity you don’t expect in most people anymore. He truly has honor. I have to attribute that to his father. He looks up to his Dad like no child I have ever known. He still has a lot to learn, but I think he has a good foundation to start from.
This event of course has shown the changes that have occurred in my marriage. It showed me how far we have grown apart and how we are basically starting from the beginning, yet again. Where we once would have turned to the other for comfort, we didn’t. Eventually we did, but it wasn’t a first reaction like it would have been five years ago. We both deal with things in very opposite manners, but that shouldn’t be an excuse. It also showed me how we have grown past blaming each other when either one of us is in pain. This time we basically ignored each other and dealt with it in our own ways. I’m hoping the next challenge we will do a little better. Small steps....
All in all a tough weekend, but in the end still surviving.

8.22.2003

Please take note of two new links that we have added. Rose at Great Googly Moogly who caught my attention in a comments box and Wendy at the Magic Short Bus who calles herself Wendy Darling and how can you not love that?!

We are nothing, if not classy, rule #1. To prove this, I'm entered into the Ms Iron Woman Contest for Saturday( being a radio goddess, I'm the featured guest). This invloves chunking an iron skillet farther than other woman, and recieving (GET THIS) a hardhat with a tiara on it. Even better than that, I would remain the Queen for one year. If that isn't classy enough, I'm singing the National Anthem at the Demolition Derby after that. My moma would be so proud

8.20.2003

Queen of the Night

Not that kind of Queen!!!


So Chesa and I decided that we would wear tiaras to ErnteFest on Saturday night. First let me set the scene. Erntefest is held in the town of Freistatt, Missouri. Freistatt has a population of about 497 people. Erntefest is about 5 acres of mowed field with cattle fence around it with a polka band playing at one end and beer vendors and drunk people everywhere! It usually draws a crowd of about 20,000 people. Because of the amount of people expected to be there, Chesa and I knew we would have to work just a little bit harder than usual to be the center of attention. So, we were off to the local Wal-Mart supercenter’s toy section for tiaras. We did find some Beeeuuuutiiiful ones!!! Mine was all rhinestones and silver and rather large with rounded tops, while Chesa’s was the pointed variety with pink fuzz lining the bottom. We figured we would get some attention with these flashy things on our head, but we had no idea the power that these would really hold! The entire time we were there strange people would come up and talk to us about our crowns, where we got them, how we got them, could they buy them from us. Chesa was proclaiming to be the ‘Corn Bread Queen’ and I declared myself the ‘Watermelon Queen’. When asked what we did to get our crowns we usually responded with ‘oh, we earned them’ with a wink and a sly smile. By the end of the night we literally had a following of people. We received some very strange offers, including but not limited to, a couple asking my husband if we were swingers and if we were interested! We also got a husband’s French kiss with a tongue piercing in exchange to wear a tiara for 10 seconds. We also got two men offered to us in trade for our crowns. So, my advice is if you ever need a bit of attention or just want to feel very powerful in a large crown, this can be purchased at Wal-Mart for $3.97, who knew it was such a bargain?

8.19.2003

Recovering

Julia's right, it was a rather subdued weekend, but only when compared to last year. We were a hit this year, and the tiaras are now a mandatory part of gatherings. The weekend was ABFAB, and I'm still smiling from the time off. Infact, I think that a list is in order today, as there were so many good points to the weekend.
1. Being out in the country all weekend
2. HOWDY NEIGHBOR DAYS was a blast.
3. Driving the jeep right into the creek, giving it a good bath, with good music, friends, and beer
4. wearing our tiaras the whole time we're doing that
5. waking up on the farm with my cowboy man
6. living in cut offs and flip flops all weekend
7. sporting a good tan today
8. taking lunch to my cowboy man while he was driving the tractor
9. napping
10. making more momories to tell in the nursing home

8.18.2003

Growing

I always thought that I would be that woman who always wore sexy black bras and pink lacy thongs no matter how conservative the clothes I wore over them were. I now know why those women don’t exist! Conservative clothes don’t allow for them! You wear those bras and they look like they have split your boobs into four parts or you can see through that top to see the flowers and lace on your underthings or it looks like your boobs are made of a funny texture if you are wearing a stretchy/fitted top with a lace bra. So I went bra shopping…. it was awful. This used to be something I enjoyed, picking out something pretty and something that made me feel feminine and pretty. This time I was looking for something that made my boobs barely noticeable under my clothes. It had to be white so I could wear it under most of my clothes. It has to be smooth you couldn’t see the texture. It had to be thick so you couldn’t tell if I was cold, but it had to be thin enough that it didn’t make something I was trying to minimize the sight of, bigger! Well, I tried on two. Yes, I tried them on! I have never tried bras on at a store because I think its strange and kinda gross, but I really needed it to fit and I hate returning things even more, so really it was my only option. So, I tried on option #1 and it fit very well and was very soft and comfortable. Not too thick, not too thin but it made my breasts feel very detached from each other and kinda pointy looking and it was a lunch lady bra. It looked industrial, the straps were wide and you couldn't see even a hint of my breasts when I had my shirt off. Option #2 was a little bit less likely to be seen in the Sears catalog. It has gold adjusters for straps that are a little less than the mile wides on the last one. It also has a deeper top cut so you can actually see a hint of breast if I don't have a shirt on. It is the same fabric as the first one, again not too thin, not too thick. I will admit that it is NOT the sexiest bra I own, but for everyday life it is what I needed. When I told my husband about the bra, he asked me why I thought I needed to have this thing that I so deeply hated. (I’m sure he was also disappointed, because he has always thoroughly enjoyed my lingerie collection as well) This is the list I gave him:

1. It’s not nice to poke people’s eyes out with your nipples because you are cold.
2. If you are poking out, whatever is coming out of your mouth is not making it to the ears if you are talking to a male. Doesn't matter if that male is a coworker or a client. Boobs are boobs.
3. Women make fun of you if it looks like you have four boobs.
4. After the age of 16 it ceases being cute to have boobs that flop around when you walk.
5. If its not supportive and I go over a speed bump too fast in my car I could give myself a black eye.

I think it is strange how this bra experience parallels the rest of my life right now. I have come to the realization that I can’t get away with all of the things that I used to do. Some things I just don’t want to do anymore. I think I’m settling down a little bit, maybe its called growing up. I don’t know. I do know that this time I’m choosing to settle down instead of feeling forced into it, which makes it MUCH easier. The funniest part is I think Chesa is going through something similar. Neither one of us had the desire to get too crazy this weekend. Where as a year ago we would have gone buck wild. This time we really just wanted to have a good time with our significant others close by. We did wear tiaras to the festival on Saturday, which caused quite a stir, but whereas we might have acted on some of the crazy offers we received, this year we just didn’t want to. We just wanted to be fun and stand out in the crowd and use it as a conversation starter and shock people. It worked. We were Queens. More on that later....

8.15.2003

Day One
So my mini vacation is in full swing, though swing isn't a good word, as my ensuing headache will prevent that. First night of Howdy Neighbor Days was Fantastic!! We sang a little gig early in the evening, which was good. After a perfect day of napping, and taking a road trip to the country house, it was great. My cowboy man was there, and that made it even better. The best part of HNDs is the beer garden, which, ironically, was where I met my cowboy man one year ago today. Let's start by creating the scene: It's an outside festival, with carnival rides, hot dog stands, the blugrass band going on the stage, it's perfect, under big shade trees, you got it? Then Julia and I are looking H-O-T hot. Julia's in the classic jeans and white t-shirt, her fab culry hair, and her perfect pointed toe cowboy boots, oh so classic, yet so trendy. I am sporting a GREAT demin skirt, with a cream coloredv-neck top, a FAB necklace, and a pair of brown cowboy boots ( this is howdy neighbor days, you have to have the boots) Keep in mind, in our state of FAB, we have our men with us. They're being perfect, even in their unperfect week. We arrive at the beer garden, which is basically some cattle panels formed in a circle around a Miller Lite wagon. We're nothing if not classy. There is a moment in everyone's life, when everything you've ever done flashes before your eyes. That moment for me was last night, and Julia was riding in the same boat as I. Now there are rumors of some wild girls that inhabit the area of Pierce City, though it's only a myth, no one's ever actually seen these girls. The do things like steal firetrucks for skinny dippin' escapades, get caught by the cutest, and I do mean cutest family of brothers in the county on one of these swimming trips, going driving in an old brown International, (the one like a jeep, with no top)going driving in one of these with the most influencial men in the town, all married, all been drinking, and all having one wild crazy night with 3 girls, a pack of cigarretts, and stories that will go to our grave, I mean the wild girls' grave. There are make out sessions that are rumored, though they can't be proven. All of these events flash through my mind as I walk through the gate of the beer garden, and everyone one of these people that have experienced the WIld Girls, is sitting at one table together, and we're being waved over. "Com'on over, sit here!!!" To make it even better, there at the head of the table is my one BIG "what if" with his wife and kids. Damn my good morals sometimes. NOw keep in mind, we didn't, I'm sorry, those rumored WIld Girls, didn't sleep with any of these people, some of them are married for heaven's sake, but it's one of those situations that I'm thinking no wife would understand. Even with The Cute, and I mean cute single boys, how could I not laugh, or even chuckle when the memories were taunting me at the very table where I sat? My cowboy man was amused my my initial uneasiness, but once we were well into the first pitcher, Julia and I were able to laugh at the situation. Luckily, there were no Wild Girl spottings last night, it's assumed they will strike before the summer is out, but doors are locked, and women are on the look out. THe cooler is packed, and we're gearing up for another night of festivities this evening. I'm working on our Satin sashes for tomorrow night, though I can't decide what to write on mine "Beer Foam Queen" "ErneFest Junkie" or "Cornbread Sweetie". Something that will match the tiara is a good thing. God, I gotta take more days off!!!
Toodles

8.14.2003

She's right...there's something in the air this week. People are driving me crazy!!!! We've had a festival all week, it's the Tonitown Grape Fest, which is fun in it's self with grape ice cream, LOTS of wine, homemade pasta, the carnival with a moneky on the merry-go-round. Oh the fun we had with the camera and that one "Look mom, they're spanking that monkey!!!" That was the most fun moment of the week, as all the fat fuckers, and I do mean that literally, the fat people came out of the wood work. And every cheap bastard that exists will somehow find the radio station, waddle over to the van, and proceed with greed. If it's free, it's the cheap people that want it. Don't forget in all of this, I love what I do, I especially love being with the public. But for some reason, all the rude, smelly, and just stupid people somehow got me cornered at the back of the van, and there was a moment when I wondered if I'd make it out alive. It's over now, I'm done for the week. No more toothless rednecks invading my 3 feet of personal space to say "Hey pretty lady, they outta out you on the radio." YA think? Oh no, I get a couple of days of vacation. I have Friday and Monday off, and it's offical that hell is frozen over. So if you told that ex that you'd only sleep with them when that happened, prepare to get some this weekend. I never get days off. I might get Sunday off, if I'm lucky. Well, I'm taking the new jeep, doing some driving, some fishing, skinny dippin', you know, the usual. ahhh, just the thought of it makes all this craziness seem trivial.

8.13.2003

A Full Moon

SumBitch! I just had this post all typed and ready to go and blogger just ate it. Which completly goes right along with the post, and convinces me that this is, in fact a conspiracy.

It must be a full moon. Or the tides are off. Or the planets are not aligned. Something! 90% of the men in my life are acting like complete ASSHOLES!!! This is not just limited to husbands (who happens to at this very moment be their king) but also coworkers, bosses, friends, clients, strange men on the street. And its not just me! Its happening to Chesa too! And of course there is evidence of men being assholes all over the blogging community. It just seems like there is more than usual right now. So, whatever it is, the moon, go away, the tides, please go back to normal, planets, realign. All of you pray for IT (whatever IT is) please go back to normal before I lose the last shred of sanity I have left. Thank you.

8.12.2003

A 12 Step program

So, we've been found. Old news. I have put off writing about it, though because I knew I was not finished with the emotions that I knew were inevitable to hit me regarding this. They say that when someone close to you dies you go through steps of grievance, anger, denial, acceptance and 2 more that I can't think of because I didn't pay attention in Psy101. At first I was shocked, how on earth could they have found us?! Then I was mortified, I must quit my job right now and never face these people again and erase everything on here immediatly. Then I was angry (still am a bit) how dare they (even though I put it out on the internet myself). Then there was that moment of defiance, Fuck them - now I'm going to be more graphic, more in your face. I think I'm finally coming to the acceptance stage. The fact of the matter is, I'm a very private person and I don't open up to people very easily or very often. If I get to know you its probably because YOU are really outgoing or I have had a lot of alcohol so I'm chatty. Otherwise you probably don't know dick about me. I do this on purpose, because I don't generally trust people. I've been screwed over too many times to just have a general faith in people. Because of this people take me wrong when they first meet me, so I've been told. I hear 'stuck-up' alot, 'bitch' a whole bunch and my personal favorite - intimidating. I made a pact with myself a long time ago that I was going to quit making apologies for myself because no matter what I did somebody wasn't going to like me. If you want to get to know me, and you don't want to say 'Hey, I'd like to get to know you, we should grab a drink some time' then go ahead, read my blog. Maybe you will learn something about me that will make you like me or maybe something that will make you hate me. At this point I figure that it will be about the same outcome if you tried talking to me so go ahead. And if you think its cool and you want one of your own, go to Blogger and start one up. It doesn't cost anything and the code is all on templates so you do not need to know how to write html. I'm going to continue posting exactly how I have been, its going to be graphic, I will talk about my marriage and my kids and my job and my sex life, and my dogs, and my best friend, and my co-workers. So, enjoy your stay here and please leave a comment in the box.

Being Exposed
Another fantastic weekend at the country home. Julia wasn't feeling well, so she was sent staight to bed, made to drink juice, and hopefully it helped. I was left to my own devices in the kitchen ( hee hee ) I didn't catch anything on fire, YAY. I got to see my cowboy man, and made a longtime dream come true. LOOK ( picture number 8386) and what a time we've had!!! I can't wait till julia is ALL better, and we can "go topless" if you will. OOO YAY. Spent some time thinking, and driving yesterday. Had a good friend with me, and she paid me a fantastic compliment. It was along the lines of how hard I work, which is a HUGE compliment. But she also made me realize that my job is just one part of my life, a big part, but still just part. Of all the things that I love, and all the people that I love, my job seems insignificant sometimes when compared to that. Then there are days that I feel like all I do is work ( dont' we all ).
I was also accused of leading a double life. WHAT?!?!? Then I thought about it, and indeed it seems that way. Julia and I work in the "city" during the week, sleep here, and LIVE here. Then on the weekends, when we're not working, we're at the "country house". I think that I might go insane, and I'm sure Julia can agree with this in her way, I would go crazy if I didn't have the chance to live my private life. Unfortunetly, I live a VERY public life all week. Everyone knows where I am, what I'm doing, where I'm headed, hell, it's radio, folks know quiet a bit. But that's during the week. On the weekends when we get out of town, I owe those limited times to no one but me. I sleep, have fun, and restructure for the week ahead. There are folks that don't know how to handle Julia and I. There are folks that will never understand us, or our motivations. The "toilet talk" of blow jobs, getting laid, lists of thoughts, or underwear with "Fabulous Babe" on the front will cause an eyebrow to raise, or better yet some talk in the office. "Well, folks, step right up and planned to bet entertained!!! On our viewing menu today is a fine collection of thoughts, from some real gals. They'll take you on an adventure, with a step into their minds, the struggles, the joys and good times that are a part of everyone's lives. And folks, here 's the kicker, if you don't like what you see, there's FULL REFUND of the free ticket. WHAT A DEAL!!!!!"
I'm just not one to dance around feelings when it comes to personal thoughts and posts here on the blog. Thank you for all the WONDERFUL comments of encouragement, as it's hard feeling exposed, and yet still wanting to talk about what's on our mind. There is much bloggin' in the future of these two sassy girls, no worries.
So, in the manner of good bloggin' everywhere, here's another list of things not commonly known:
1. Julia has taught me the best things in life, that love goes well with anything, anyone, and fits perfectly when it's right
2. Ice Cream for breakfast is not a bad thing
3. owning a new jeep can put you in a completely different mind set
4. driving a jeep in red lipstick is even better
5. when Cosmo Magazine isn't out on time, it's hard to feel organized
6. I (GASP) looked at a wedding magazine with Julia for the first time in my life about a week ago. I'm still trying to recover from the shock myself.
7. Howdy Neighbor Days is this weekend.
8. I'm paid to NOT be serious, yet everything I have posted on this blog is taken so serious, and used as a template to judge me (this is, in fact, NOT a little known fact, EVERYONE knows this)
9. I'M GOOD WITH THAT
10. remnants is just a fun word to say...see, you said it, and it's fun

8.08.2003

Some early thoughts

The reason that Julia and I choose to "secret blog" is simple. Of all the images we present in EVERY aspect of our lives, we decided to be honest with ourselves, to explore the people that we are: the good, the bad, the strong, the wimpy, the worrier, the fixer, the bitch, the lover, all of them, put them on display, be proud of it. Now, this image differs from the others in our lives. No, we're not different people, maybe just a little more guarded, a little more rough, more focused, etc. This applies to work, it does with most folks. It's been discovered that we've been discovered, by folks we work with. After considerable thought, I realize I don't give a rat's ass. The people I work around are fucking morons. Who has nothing better to do than sit around, and read the history of the computer? No wonder you suck at your job!!!! See, the great thing about me, is that I not only say that here, I would say that to every person I think that about, especially at work. My philosophy is " I don't have to like you, but I better respect you." Lucky for me, there's very few around here I feel either way about ( there are exceptions to every rule, Katie, you know who you are.) Don't get me wrong, I love my job, and for 5 hours a day, my partner and I are responsible for just us. It's not about politics, it's not about fucking morons. So, if you're reading this, and you work with me, and have nothing better to do, you deserve to know that you're a fucking moron. If you ask, "why would she say something like that?" Again, it's real simple. This blog is my place to go to be myself, not the radio goddess that I am, not the strong business woman. I don't have to live up to any limitations set by bosses, lovers, friends, family, no one. Speaking of lovers, my man knows I have this, but he doesn't know the address, he doesn't needs the address, and while he'd like to have it somedays, he's secure with the inner workings of my mind, and better yet he respects the issue of privacy. I think he likes the mystery. heehee
I don't hang out with people I work with. I work 6- 7 days a week, every week. I don't feel the need to blow smoke up anyone's ass when I'm not here at work.
Here's the bottom line:
My house is my refuge. My trips out of town are my sanity. My lover is the best part of my life. My job is the reason I strive to be a better person, and my blog is for people who give a shit. If that doesn't apply to you, Fuck Off. If you do care, and you're a blog reader, I hope you're a better person for it. I hope you laugh, you think, even roll your eyes. Maybe you can appreciate our fabulous-ness all the more, and maybe (and this is directed to the people I work with) just maybe, you can get a life of your own.

8.07.2003

BitchFest '03

Chesa and I haven't exactly been the sweetest people the past few days which is really why I haven't posted much. I don't like to show the ENTIRE planet my bitter bitch side. I'm blaming my bitch run on hormones, severe allergies, stress, and lack of sleep. I choose to believe her fest is loosely based on the same triggers.

Something I have been thinking a lot about lately is marriage. As you all know, I have been married for over five years. For the most part I have only good things to say about marriage. It is very nice to have someone to support and love you and be on your side no matter what. It is very nice to climb into bed and not worry is my fat roll is showing, because frankly I know he doesn't really care. It is extremely nice to have someone to cuddle you when you wake up sweating in the middle of the night from a horrible nightmare. I know I could call my husband any hour of the day or night and he would never be mad at me for that he would simply talk to me for as long as I needed. I know that if I said the words 'I need you for...(insert ANYTHING here) he would be there. The reason I have been thinking about this so much is because I've heard such crazy notions from people about marriage lately. I have Chesa on one side who for as long as I have known her has been terrified of marriage. Then there is The Yeti whose view on marriage came up in the discussion/debate of gay marriages. I guess I never realized how people have such different reasons/views of what marriage SHOULD be. Amazingly enough my husband and I never had a discussion about expectations of marriage before we took our vowes. We grew up in different times, different parts of the country and vastly different households. His parents were typical June/Ward Cleaver marriage. She did EVERYTHING for her husband and children. My husband didn't even know how to do laundry when he left for college. The only cooking the men did was if they were camping. My parents fought constantly, my Dad worked third shift and my Mother started leaving him for a month at a time starting when I was about twelve. It was very odd to see affection/kissing/hand holding in either household. After all this I never thought that was how marriage was suppose to be. Maybe that is why I have such a radical notion of what I think marriage should be. I think it should be different for every couple, I don't think one way could work universally, just like it doesn't for anything else. I was never frightened to get married because I think deep down we both knew we would do whatever it took to make it work. I did have one conversation about divorce with my husband before the big day, and that was when I told him the following "There are only two reasons I will ever leave you. The first is if you ever raise your hand to me, the second is if you ever cheat/betray me. Everything else we can work out." and we have. It hasn't been all roses and kisses. I have had bags packed and screaming matches and slammed doors and horrible insults and we are stronger for it. We worked it out, we didn't give up. I have faith we always will work it out and never give up. We have a very unconventional marriage, though I've just realized that lately. We live apart for about half of the week, there is a dramatic age difference, I have two step children that I have helped raise for the past 7 years, I deal with his ex wife (he doesn't) and we hug and kiss and hold hands in front of anyone that is around us. We also make sarcastic jabs and inside jokes in the same manner. Just because you are married or even in love with a person does not mean you won't have knock down, drag out fights. If you truly love the person, you will probably have more, mainly because passion runs both ways. The more passsionate you are about the person, the harder you will love them and the harder your temper will flare at them. My point is, what is your view of marriage? Why are you married? Why aren't you?

8.06.2003

just a good morning!!!

8.04.2003

For the weekend
Well, Julia's going to work on our comments box, as it's being moody right now. YAY Julia for your smarts.
Let me ramble about our weekend, though, as it was FANTASTIC. It was one of those weekends with nothing planned, and oddly enough, we planned it that way. I had two whole days off in a row, and amazing as that is, Julia and I hightailed it out of town round about 3:30 ish on Friday. The following list is about the weekend (obviously)
1. a late afternoon nap
2. A friday night at "the country home"
3. reading "God Save the Sweet Potatoe Queens" on the front porch watching the sunset
4. getting to see my cowboy man :)
5. GETTING LAID ( I know that's such valuable info)
6. SATURDAY MORNING CARTOONS
7. Saturday morning breakfast, drive through with a cup of coffe in hand, Julia, and the dog ( poor drive through worker)
8. a saturday working with my cowboy man
9. a CRAZY saturday night, dancing, cold beer, buddies old and new, and a rodeo at the end of the dance floor
10. draggin' ass Sunday morning
11. tanning on Sunday

See, not alot for excitment, but it was great. Julia cooked like a crazy woman, and it was fantastic!!!! And the best part of the weekend...I was helping Cowboy man mow yesterday, well, I laid out, got some sun, and he mowed, but anyway.....it's at his great grandparents home, which is his by testiment of The Will, and something he takes great pride in taking care of. It's the perfect country home, big porch, barn with a loft, the whole nine yards. I get the full tour of the house, along with all the history, and memories he has from when he was a kid, and when I get to the dinning area of the home, he told me to close my eyes. It's one of those moments when I was scared, though I trust him. What in god's name is he up to? Well, there on the shag carpet sat a gift that brought me to tears. It was something I had looked at about a month ago, but knew that I couldn't afford at the time. I fell in love with it then, and didn't talk much about it, as I knew that it was nearly impossible to not only buy, but get moved to our townhouse in Fayetteville. It was a solid pecan, classic antique, upright piano, with a pink padded bench. ( for our one year anniversary)
I broke the tears then, in awe that he had done something so thoughtful, so personal for me. I played the piano all afternoon while he finshed mowing. Sniff, sniff. Then ( roll the dramatic music) I had a thought. Was this a "testing of the waters" ? Was I like a lamb to slaughter, sitting in this house where he was asking my opinion on the walls, and the carpet, and what colors to use, where he came to stand in the kitchen, and listen to my play my new ivory and pecan piece of heaven? Was he thinking in terms of (GASP) long term?! ( total silence) ( crickets begin to chirp)
I have a VERY obvious fear of marriage. I've spent the last 14 years of my life knowing that I wasn't the marrying kind of girl, mostly because my mother has reminded me of it everytime I wish for something normal in my life. At one point, I know it was because she wanted something great for me, where I could stand tall on my own, and not feel like I had missed something. I know this, but still have SO many doubts about things like ( in whisper ) forever.
So, here are two prevelent thoughts on my brain this morning....
1) how wonderful it was to sit on the porch as the sun went down last night, listen to the sounds of quiet, a glass of ice tea, and look at a man who truly loves me
and
2) how in the hell can I follow the piano when looking for him a gift? What to buy, a boat or something??!?! I'm truely perflexed on that one

8.01.2003

A listy mood (not lusty, LISTY!)

Yeah, I'm in the mood for another list of things I love/am addicted to today.....

1. Sutter Home White Zinfandel wine
2. Miller Lite
3. Road Trips
4. Maxim Magazine
5. Todd Oldham designs for Target Home
6. The keg in our office lobby
7. Bonne Bell Cappuccino lip gloss
8. Nina Simone
9. Not having to work this weekend
10. Sex
11. The filthy friday five at the pussy ranch
12. Getting out of the town I work in for the entire weekend
13. Having a clean house
14. Chesa's tacky chic style on home decor
15. Not having ANY concrete plans for the WHOLE weekend
16. The UPS guy's legs. Brown and strong...Mmmmm
17. Demin skirts
18. These boots that I MUST have
19. My new hipster panties that have 'Fabulous Babe' written on the front
20. Discovering NEW blogs