Good Damn Morning
Ouch! I'm sorry baby! It must be the weather here. We haven't seen the sunshine in a while, and it has been rather COLD considering it's almost May now. I'm trying to put into words the fight I had last night, but I just don't have the energy. Being up all night fighting makes for a tired and slow Chesa this morning.
fucking glad it's Friday. not that the difficult and hard to understand realtionships in our life will be better on Saturday, but maybe a break from the grind will be a huge help.

Wise Advice

If you are married or even in a commited relationship, I have some VERY useful advice for you if you ever want to get laid again.

If your wife/girlfriend/partner says "I know I'm kind of grumpy because I've had a very bad day, but I am extremely horny."

Do NOT do the following....

"Well, yell at me if you want some", and proceed downstairs to catch that riveting new CSI episode.

You can guess how my bad day ended...
'Nuff said.

An Apron and Heels

I love to cook. I find it to be seducing. I spend an insane amount of money buying fresh produce and organic ingredients. I want everything I put my mouth around to be savored, to taste the tang of the sun in a fresh pineapple, the warmth of the earth from the onions. Italian is my favorite because everything must be labored upon and loved for hours before it is acceptable. It is the most relaxing, my sauce must simmer for at least 3 hours. I could spend all day listening to hot jazz with a glass of wine, slicing and dicing and tasting. The time that I hate to cook is when I'm rushed and starving, it takes all the fun out. I like to linger, I read while I cook, pausing to mince garlic and infuse olive oil and cook by the gallon. The smell takes over my entire house, the basil, oregano, garlic and secret spices dazzle me and molest my senses until I am almost immune. I love to cook for people, to watch them as they take their first bite and make all of my hard work tangible. When I go to a good restaurant and order something delectable I eat it slowly and linger on every bite. There is a fantastic Italian restaurant about an hour from where I live that I visit at least once a month. Their alfredo sauce is so delectable. They pour it over fettuccini and top it with broccolini and marinated grilled chicken. This is the only dish that I have yet to master. My alfredo is good, don't get me wrong, but it is not yet THIS good.

Since being home from vacation I have cooked like a mad woman. I'm now on a cuban/island kick and am making pineapple salsa and mango chutney and have at least one hundred new ideas about how to fuse what I know and what I'm learning to make something unique. Tonight I'm working on a pecan encrusted chicken with pineapple chutney covered in a vanilla butter rum sauce. Last night it was romano and parmisan baked chicken with angel hair pasta tossed with sauteed yellow peppers, mushrooms and zucchini covered in a creamy marinara.

I would like to start making my own breads again. I feel the compelled to get my hands dirty with flour and knead a supple dough, smell it rise in the sun and bake it golden brown. There is nothing better than bread, fresh out of the oven, tearing off the end and drizzling it with real butter and while it is still steaming, devouring it. Licking every last drop of warm melted butter off your fingers.

Sometimes I think I should have been born earlier, in the 50's when all respectable housewives wore heels, aprons and pearls. I always cook in heels because that's what I wear daily anyways. I'm just shy of 5'7" without them and with them I'm still the shortest person in my group of friends and family (except my sister who is only 5'4"). But I also wear them because they make my fantastic legs look even better and I like to feel sexy. I also wear an apron at work when I'm cooking, but almost never at home. I do have a string of pearls, but I don't wear them daily, you are just as likely to catch me wearing my current favorite necklace that is made with brown beads and large turquoise. My sense of style certainly does make it easier to sell chocolates to the males that come in. You can't blame me for capitalizing on what I've got.

Patience is not my forte

Today is just the kind of day I shouldn't be blogging. It's one of those rainy, cold days that makes you wish that you could sit in the window and cry right along with the clouds. It's cold and wet and tiring. What is even worse is I'm home from vacation. When I drove into work after going through 20 hours of traveling I cried. This town is too small for me. I don't fit anymore, if I ever did. It is like one of those child's toys that teaches shapes, putting me in this town is like putting one of those square blocks into a round hole. No matter how hard you try or which way you turn in, its not going to fit. There will be a few times when you twist it just right you think it's going to go in, like today when a man I respect very much told me he was proud of my efforts, but in the long run that square block won't fit.

The decision has been made. I'm not moving to Texas, I'm moving to Key West. It's cheesy, but I was sitting in a bar that is set on the highest building there, watching the sunset, which is a nightly celebration and listening to a guy do bad renditions of Jimmy Buffet songs. Everything in the keys is set by mile markers, Key West being zero and Miami being 158. The musician said this, "you are at the end of the road, my friends." It hit me, he was right. Like the name of this site, The Road Home, how can I keep traveling it if I'm at the end of THE road? I may take a few back trips, just in case, but I think the road home is US1, if you want to put it in tangible terms. At least for now. It is said down there that most people that move there leave after three years, but if they stay for seven they stay forever. I don't know if I will make it seven or not but I don't really care. If it feels like home for three than that will be a peaceful three for me. It doesn't hurt that I will be EIGHTEEN HUNDRED miles from my in-laws and I will still miss MY family. It's just as easy to get on a plane to FL than it is to get to MO. My family will figure that out quickly, while I hope the in-laws don't necessarily. If they do I am SO taking them to the drag show and having an all drap dinner party.

Rainbow Chip and a drag queen
As I'm drowning my sorrows of missing my best friend in a tub of pure sugar perfection, aka, rainbow chip icing, my happiness was interrupted by severe weather in our area last night. I was completely happy in my jammies, and my favorite blanket, a glass of milk, and a spoon, and I get disturbed. I drove my jeep out to my boyfriend's place, parked it in a barn, and was mighty unhappy about the cold rain in comparison to the couch. The thunder and lightning brought more than just hail and rain. I realized something last night. I realized that my relationship trouble with my Cowboy Man isn't my fault. It seems like a simple concept, but apparently I didn't get it. Is that a woman thing, or just a me thing, to blame myself? It's natural to think that you've been with someone for 3 years, and they don't seem interested in being with you, that maybe there's something wrong with you, that you're not attractive enough, or they aren't attracted to you, or you're not the person they fell in love with....crap like that. But you know what, it's not that I don't try, it's not that I'm not sexxxxy as hell, that I'm not funny, or great in bed, I'm all those things. I've invested 3 years in love, and the return isn't all that great this time. Sad? U bet. Does it hurt so bad I can't breathe sometimes, oh yes. It's rainy today, and that usually attributes to my mood, but today I dream about a patio on my little apartment on the beach, where the air is warm, and I have a dog ( I love 'em too JOE!). I can tackle one day at a time right now. Thank God it's Friday. Julia will be home in a couple of days, again, thank GOD. I wasn't sure I could make it a whole week, but I did. Besides, she said she would bring me home a drag queen, so I can't wait. Someone to share my extensive knowledge of hair care with? YAY It;s officially cocktail hour on Friday, so I'm turning my brain off. OH, and it's suppose to storm again tonight, but I'm staying on my couch!
oodalolly!

2 

i think i did this backwards...ah well. 

Pictures, as promised.

I was going to tell you all about my lesbians to the rescue story, but it will have to wait since I finally downloaded pictures.

The first one will be ME!! Look how cute that outfit is! And the second is a view from my hotel bed.

maybe, just maybe, after all this time, we'll find where the ROAD HOME leads, and the irony of the journey being recorded here is satisfiying.

Home, finally.

By the title, you might think that this means my vacation is over. You would be wrong. I have not yet gotten back on the plane to Missouri, but I am home. I don't know why this place makes me feel like that. If you live far away from where you grew up, you know what I'm talking about, that comforting feeling when you go home for Christmas and everything is just as you remember it. Sure, minor things have changed, land has been developed, houses have been remodeled or torn down or dilapitated, but it still feels like home. That tree you planed when you were six is still there and still growing. You get hugs from the family and you sit in front of the fire with hot cocoa and stare at the family tree that is decorated with all of the ornaments you helped make. Thats the feeling I get here. I can't even tell you why. Its NOTHING like where I grew up, I don't know a soul here, much less have the comforts of family. Maybe its the relaxed atmosphere, maybe its seeing things that remind me of home. It doesn't really matter why I suppose, but it is important that I feel it.
I realize that at this moment I am a tourist here, but I know one day soon I will be a local. I know that transformation will not take long, because as I watched the cruise ship dock in front of my ocean view yesterday afternoon and the lemmings coming off the boat in droves, I thought to myself, fucking tourists. I guess its because I can look at them and see the cameras dangling around their necks and their tube socks covered with sandals and I could be in Branson, MO.

I know I promised pictures today, but I don't feel like it and I'm on vacation and don't have to do anything I don't feel like, maybe tomorrow.

The plan for today is, go take a dip or two in the pool, have a beer for lunch, have incredible head board banging sex and check out some real estate. Oh, AND I'm going to see my first ever drag show tonight and I'm so excited I could spit. The 'woman' that offered me my free tickets on the street last night was larger than my husband and had better legs than me. If I were a man, I would totally be a queen.

And I've only called Chesa about 4000 times in the past few days to tell her about everything I see and how she should be seeing it too! I can't wait until we move here.

Adventures at Sea

Well, I am officially on vacation. It was a bit of a rough start because of leaving at 3:30am on Saturday. After 12 hours of traveling hubby and I were both a bit grumpy and getting on each others nerves. We stayed at the Chesapeake in Islamarada on Saturday night, and were finally getting along by Sunday morning. By the time we finished our drive to Key West and checked into the Hilton we were relaxed enough to be getting along.

I'm sitting in front of one of the french doors that is thrust open and listening to the boats going in and out of the gulf harbor. FYI - the fishing guides also prove to be quite scenic. Yummy. We haven't really participated in much activity, which makes it the perfect vacation for me. I've sat by the pool to work on my tan, which is coming along nicely, swam about 1000 laps and eaten so much delicious cuisine its insane. I've also tried to max out a few credit cards while shopping for my new Florida wardrobe. Just going to a restaurant here is so different from home. There isn't anything on the menu that is 'chicken fried, and covered in white gravy'! Actually since I've been here I have inadvertently renewed my status as a vegetarian. Not because of any political stance, but because its really the food I lust for. Pasta with fresh tomatoes marinated in fresh basil and olive oil, grilled marinated vegetable platters, entire meals created with portabello mushrooms......aggghhhhh. Yum. I'm sure most of you do not understand how this is not even remotely possible where I currently live.

The only thing that isn't perfect about this vacation, is no Chesa. I know that she is sitting in her dusty office miserable and that is the only rain on my sandy beach mentality right now.

Stay tuned, I will have pictures tomorrow.

Not much to holler about over my weekend, being that IT'S SO DAMN QUIET! Julia has called from Key West a few times, and now I'm contemplating how much furniture I need to sell to get down there. She's talking about live bands, and ocean views, and jobs at little bars on the beach. I have but one question....what the hell am I doing here? I know that I'm leaving soon, that there's a plan to make changes, but I didn't realize how colorless my life is here. I have a picture of what it would be like without Julia, and it's no bueno. It's like the walls of this all white office is beginning to close in on me. I know it's a combination of the sunshine, the tales from Key West, and the general wanting to leave a place that has become so dull. Restlessness is not an easy load to bear.

Vacation starting early...

My plans for last night were very simple. I was going to go grab a beer after work with Chesa, chat about vacation, come back to the store and finish up a few things. I was then going to head home at a reasonable hour and do some laundry, finish packing and clean my bedroom. The farthest I made on that list is grab beer. A $65 bar tab later, Chesa and I swerved back to my house and crashed and burned. The evidence left of this was my jeep parked sideways in my driveway this morning. Whoops.

So today, I'm dragging ass like a dog with worms and am trying very hard to complete my never ending to do list before I leave tonight. The only thing keeping me alive are flashbacks from last night...

*Hearing the very adorable bartender say the following, "Two hot women, who drive jeeps, drink whiskey shots, and watch baseball? Yeah, you are my fantasy." Thank you for that ego stroke. PS - go Red Sox.
*Thinking about making out with cute bartender.
*Hearing the girl next to us talk about getting her boob job done tomorrow.
*Seeing pictures of dressed up penises. Including one wearing a shoe and wondering just exactly what size that shoe was.
*Finding two new customers for my store, thanks to Chesa's awesome PR skills.
*Hearing somebody tell Chesa's boyfriend that he is pretty much an idiot.
*Talking to Chesa's grandparents while drunk and hearing them say "Don't worry, Jesus loves you."
*Catching up on all of the town's latest gossip.
*Chesa telling a guy that she works with that its OK about what happened today at work, that guy wasn't there to arrest him.....
*Getting to see Chesa completly drunk, which is quite the rarity! And Damn funny.

I'm sure there are plenty more, but that is all I can recall so far.

AND I have fabulously large hair today, that is in desperate need of natural sun highlights. 

My toes are ready to be walking in the sand, see? 

I know Julia is going to post soon about leaving for her vacation to Key West. She's been packed for a week, and I can't blame her, it's Key West for crying out loud!! It just so happens that she's leaving tomorrow, and my Cowboy Man is leaving tomorrow as well. Is that everyone I know in town? Almost. Everyone I can stand to be around, anyway. So, while I'm really happy that Julia is going to be sunning on the beach, drinking the entire time, and figuring out a way to not have to come back, it's gonna be a long weekend for me. My house is clean, my laundry's pretty well caught up, what on earth am I going to do all weekend, better yet, all week while she's gone? I think I'm more tore up about her being gone, than my Cowboy Man. How sad. We've contemplated just hiding me out in a suitcase, but then where would she put all her fabulous clothes? Besides, her husband might notice. My one great consolation is that she's my best friend, and best friends bring home great gifts. I'm hoping that she'll buy a house while she's there. Then she would come back here to sell her current home, and she'd need someone to be at the new home in her absence, do some painting, clean up the yard, things like that, and being her best friend, I'd volunteer for the job. See what I good friend I am?
I guess I can go a week without her, though it will be very quiet at work with no one to IM all day, no one to call and proclaim for the 50th time what morons I'm surrounded by, and no one to understand my white trash limit like her. Sniff, Sniff. It's gonna be hard, but we'll see what happens. I have a feeling I'm going to be using a few vacation days this week, in Julias honor.
Have fun on your ABFAB vacation. bitch.
:)

THE PLACE WHERE WILD THINGS GO....
Does anyone remember that kids' book? The place where wild things go? It was about a kid who traveled to a place where there were wild things that most people wouldn't understand, and he became the ruler of the wild things, because he wasn't afraid of them, and The Wild Things loved him for it..............

As I sat in my ABFAB bed this morning, wrapped in my new spring quilt, drinking my espresso naked, and listening to the church bells through my open window, I knew it would be a good day. Maybe because it’s the trend of the weekend thus far. My delightful best friend called me Friday night, and stated that we had plans. Her words “dress cute, and have comfy shoes”. The options that came to mind were interesting. But being Julia, she knew exactly what a good afternoon would consist of. She arrived at my home Saturday morning, embodying the definition of CUTENESS. Again, a clue of the day to come. After a trip to the local greenhouse, which is my idea of a perfect morning, we were off to our favorite town. It was a lunch date. It’s not just a lunch date, but a road trip through the most beautiful part of this area. A drive through the Ozark Mountains, I can’t even describe it to justice. It’s like suddenly being in the post card, instead of looking at it. All of the sudden, spring is here, and there is this road, Highway 62, that represents such a milestone in welcoming the new season for me. It's a slow, curvy drive through so many colors of spring, all the trees in bloom, and colorful flowers......If you happened to be on Hwy 62 yesterday, you would have seen a Jeep with the top rolled down, and 2 AMAZINGLY fabulous women in it. The warm sun, a cold beer, and the perfect shade of berry lipstick…..does it get any better than this? Eureka Springs, or as it’s referred to Little Switzerland, and not because it’s brimming with blond women in braids and corsets, with the distinct smell of Kraut. Quite the contrary. Eureka Springs is traditionally a tourist attraction, a small town of curvy roads, no stop lights, and retired folks in socks and sandals. It earned it’s Little Switzerland nick-name because it’s such a beautiful little town tucked in the mountains. But it’s more a hippie town if you look closer. Artists and musicians, and our favorite, gay couples. It’s almost progressive for a trip over the Arkansas border. Julia and I contemplate moving there to paint and sing for a few months of our lives, just to have good stories to tell. There are portrait painters on the square, a blue grass band playing near by with an oh-so-yummy little banjo player. He was somewhat back woods, with this long hair, and camo ball cap, but with his cowboy boots and blue jeans, it was more than music we enjoyed. Laugh if you want, I’m trying to get you past the “bluegrass” image that comes to your mind: Fat old men in overalls, with no concept of personal hygiene and an empty jug to blow in.
There are shops and places to eat, and best of all, interesting people to watch. After a productive trip to a place called Scarlet’s lingerie and sensual gifts, happy campers were we. It really was a great trip, and one that I will cherish all season, first Jeep sunburn, first good road trip of the season, and one of many great memories in our “Summer O’ Fun”. Julia and I realize that our lives are indeed going to be changing, for the better, but still changing, and we are taking special effort to preserve out time together, and build happy thoughts about our perhaps, last summer together here in our country life.
My current enjoyment, the Re-run DVD of Ally McBeal. Again, I’m sure you’re laughing, but there’s something to be said about a tv series that appears to be about law, but instead is about waif actresses in skirts short enough to make my Mother start in on one of her infamous “didn’t their mothers teach them any better” bullshit. Besides, the episodes always ends in a bar with everyone dancing and drinking. Can it be all bad?

let's clarify real quick!!
-that was a 2 step by myself at the bar, not ON the bar

State of the Union

Ok, I know I promised more posting, but really be happy that I held back. For awhile there I was in a I want to throw a plate at your head kind of mood. But I'm slowly but surely dragging my ass out of it. So in an attempt to bolster my mood even more, I will update you on things that have made me happy in the past weeks.

-Head board banging, crazy, wild sex. Thank God.
-Seeing Chesa drunk on a Monday night and dancing with herself at the bar.
-Thinking about my vacation that starts in 9 days and blogging from Key West, FL. I hear the Corona's calling.
-Giving the store a bit of a makeover/fresh look that it desperately needed.
-Finally getting the urge to cook again.
-Reading in a comfy chair while I listen to the spring rains rap on the windows.
-Driving in the jeep with the top down for the first time of the year....Ahhhh....
-Shopping, shopping, shopping. New clothes, lipstick, and shoes galore. Oh, and the fantastic Italian shoe salesman at my favorite store... Ahh, Antonio, how I love you.
-The two guys from Chesa's spanish class making me laugh so hard I nearly peed on myself.
-Did I mention the sex? I'll add mind blowing orgasms.
-Feeling change coming in my bones and it lighting me up with excitement.
-New jazz cd with all of the greats on it that seduces me.
-Chesa getting her shit together. ;) ha ha, Ches.
-Planning camping trips and other adventures for the summer o' fun with Chesa.
-Being on the front page of the newspaper and having all of our clothes on!

There are others, but this is just enough to brighten my mood on a gray day.

I was looking for a past post from the spring, to merely type the same words I write every spring, about the change in seasons, the sudden urge to drive far away. It's the same thing every year. There's really nothing wrong with that, but it can be a bit frustrating. That's the crazy thoughts that have been bouncing around in this ole head. Excessive amounts of beer has been consumed by both myself and Julia (don't deny it Julia, I know) even a bit tipsy on a Monday night ( that was all me, I'll take the blame for that one). It does work in slowing the brain down, not so many things to think about at once. My new lap top arrives today, so maybe I'll have more time to put some of these thoughts down in THE ROAD.