Growing

I always thought that I would be that woman who always wore sexy black bras and pink lacy thongs no matter how conservative the clothes I wore over them were. I now know why those women don’t exist! Conservative clothes don’t allow for them! You wear those bras and they look like they have split your boobs into four parts or you can see through that top to see the flowers and lace on your underthings or it looks like your boobs are made of a funny texture if you are wearing a stretchy/fitted top with a lace bra. So I went bra shopping…. it was awful. This used to be something I enjoyed, picking out something pretty and something that made me feel feminine and pretty. This time I was looking for something that made my boobs barely noticeable under my clothes. It had to be white so I could wear it under most of my clothes. It has to be smooth you couldn’t see the texture. It had to be thick so you couldn’t tell if I was cold, but it had to be thin enough that it didn’t make something I was trying to minimize the sight of, bigger! Well, I tried on two. Yes, I tried them on! I have never tried bras on at a store because I think its strange and kinda gross, but I really needed it to fit and I hate returning things even more, so really it was my only option. So, I tried on option #1 and it fit very well and was very soft and comfortable. Not too thick, not too thin but it made my breasts feel very detached from each other and kinda pointy looking and it was a lunch lady bra. It looked industrial, the straps were wide and you couldn't see even a hint of my breasts when I had my shirt off. Option #2 was a little bit less likely to be seen in the Sears catalog. It has gold adjusters for straps that are a little less than the mile wides on the last one. It also has a deeper top cut so you can actually see a hint of breast if I don't have a shirt on. It is the same fabric as the first one, again not too thin, not too thick. I will admit that it is NOT the sexiest bra I own, but for everyday life it is what I needed. When I told my husband about the bra, he asked me why I thought I needed to have this thing that I so deeply hated. (I’m sure he was also disappointed, because he has always thoroughly enjoyed my lingerie collection as well) This is the list I gave him:

1. It’s not nice to poke people’s eyes out with your nipples because you are cold.
2. If you are poking out, whatever is coming out of your mouth is not making it to the ears if you are talking to a male. Doesn't matter if that male is a coworker or a client. Boobs are boobs.
3. Women make fun of you if it looks like you have four boobs.
4. After the age of 16 it ceases being cute to have boobs that flop around when you walk.
5. If its not supportive and I go over a speed bump too fast in my car I could give myself a black eye.

I think it is strange how this bra experience parallels the rest of my life right now. I have come to the realization that I can’t get away with all of the things that I used to do. Some things I just don’t want to do anymore. I think I’m settling down a little bit, maybe its called growing up. I don’t know. I do know that this time I’m choosing to settle down instead of feeling forced into it, which makes it MUCH easier. The funniest part is I think Chesa is going through something similar. Neither one of us had the desire to get too crazy this weekend. Where as a year ago we would have gone buck wild. This time we really just wanted to have a good time with our significant others close by. We did wear tiaras to the festival on Saturday, which caused quite a stir, but whereas we might have acted on some of the crazy offers we received, this year we just didn’t want to. We just wanted to be fun and stand out in the crowd and use it as a conversation starter and shock people. It worked. We were Queens. More on that later....