Hanging in the Balance

I suppose I haven’t posted much lately, because nothing really fun has happened! There have been a few exciting moments, but no GREAT times, no bloggable, braggable times. Things just keep rolling along, a few bumps here and there. I’ve been trying to gather my thoughts and trying to figure out what to do with my life. I’m planning a trip this month to see my family and begging Chesa to go with me. I want to go up to my families cabin in the middle of nowhere and watch the first snowflake hit the lake. I want to sit in peace and quiet and write in a silly journal and go and have a drink with the locals in one of the greatest shitty bars in the world with the bestest food. I want to road trip with my best friend and just not have any worries for a whole freakin week. I haven’t had an entire week of vacation since I got married FIVE years ago!!! That is INSANE!!!
One notable thing that has happened is my Grandfather died. Please don’t start sending me sympathy cards; I don’t think I have seen him for a good five years or more. He was never a big part of my life. He and my Grandmother (who I barely remember, she died when I was very small) had 17 children, 15 who are still living so you can imagine the number of grandchildren. On my Moms side of the family I never really had a Grandfather either, my Granny got divorced before it was socially acceptable and remarried many years later, around the time that I was born. He died when I was about ten years old and I don’t for the life of me ever remember him uttering a word to me. I remember him snoring in the recliner while a game was on.
The most recent ‘fun’ time I’ve had lately was yesterday for a few hours. I got to go see Chesa’s Grandparents, whom I adore! GrandDad will talk your ear off, and I enjoy in immensely. Our topics of conversation yesterday included; teenage sex, Psalm 23, a wacky, off the wall wedding, true love, quality people and guns. It’s always such a mix. He is one of those rare people that you can sit and debate with and know that you are both actually trying to understand the other persons stance instead of just thinking of your next defensive statement. One thing he did say to me yesterday has stuck in my head and T-bone reiterated it this morning. ‘Love is a many splendor thing’, I know, I know a very over used quote/cliché, but as with most it has such a true meaning when you don’t just let it pass over your shoulder. It made me know that the decisions I’ve made about how to change my life, no matter how frightening, are the right ones. I don’t know why change scares me so much sometimes, even when I’m the one doing the changing and know it needs done. It still gives me butterflies in my stomach and my head feel like it’s going to swim away. Love is a many splendor thing, I forget that most days. I’ve been with the love of my life for almost seven years and I knew he was it within the first few weeks of knowing him. Thinking back on it now, I think I knew it before then, but couldn’t admit it for sometime. I really don’t know what I would have done without my husbands support for the past years. Isn’t it funny how we know things in our hearts, but we have to take time to let our heads catch on and act upon it?
Well, here is to making the best of this last week at my job and new beginnings and finding what is right and making yourself happy and most of all living life with the least amount of regrets possible.