I’m back. I got back almost two weeks ago. I learned so much. I’ve been putting off writing about it because I haven’t been sure of quite what to say. I ran away from home. I got pushed out the door by my husband who was sure I was never coming back. I wasn’t sure if I was coming back. I saw my family and I learned lessons. I’m a much better person for all of it. I’m happy and content. I’m exactly where I want to be. I’ve never been this way, the closest was about seven years ago, but even then I was unsure of myself and my decisions. This time I couldn’t be more positive. When I came down here this time, I knew what I was getting into and I was doing it on my own free will. I wasn’t coming because somebody else wanted me and I wasn’t coming to piss people off. I came because I wanted too. The trip home was almost like the trip up, on both journeys I had a feeling of relief because I was headed home.
I’ll tell you all a secret. I had a job interview there. They offered it to me. I turned them down. I didn’t tell anyone that. I didn’t want my husband to feel like I was sacraficing to come down here again, I didn’t want my family to know and put any pressure on me. I didn’t even tell my best friend (sorry Chesa, now you know!)
I learned so much about myself while I was gone, I would have never thought one person could have so many revelations in just a week. My Mom and my sister really saved me. I learned quite a bit of dirty family secrets from my Mom and Granny and my sister was there with her wise questions and undying support. I will never know how to thank them.
The most important thing they showed me is they don’t give a fuck what I do in my career, they only care if I’m happy. I realized I can quit trying to live up to my childhood dreams because its OK that those dreams have changed. Their expectations have changed. For the past fifteen years I’ve been trying to prove myself to those that loved me and believed in me and in the mean time I did something that had nothing to do with the original plan. They told me that stuff I had done in the mean time was more important than anything else and they were so proud of me for that they were bursting. I had never stopped to see that before.
I also stopped to see a few people that I could have easily become in the past and I was ever so grateful that I had made some past decisions. Whew!
Oh, and I also had a marriage proposal while I was there, did I forget to mention that? I turned that down too...