Taking Applications

It looks like Chesa is going to be moving fairly soon and while I am very happy for her and think she is making the right decision, I'm going to miss having her around. She is not only my best friend, but one of very few that lives anywhere near me. You must understand that in a town of 1500 people, I don't have a lot of options. You might think that I'm just a picky snob, but I assure you that this is not necessarily the case. Let me fill you in on my local friend requirements, and feel free to submit your applications.

1. Must live within 50 miles of me.
2. Must not live in a trailer. I know that sounds snobbish, but if you saw the trailerparks around here, and there are plenty, you would understand.
3. You can have children, but you can't have more than 2 with different fathers. And you must be able to identify all of the fathers.
4. Must not have anything 'stonewashed' in your closet.
5. Must not be sleeping with more than 2 married men or be widely known as 'the town slut'.
6. Your boyfriend must not hit on me ALL the time, or try to look down my dress.
7. Must not be addicted to Meth or Crack. A little marjuana is fine as long as you are not the town's main supplier.
8. Must be able to hold your own in a bar fight.
9. Must have more to talk about than your kids.
10. Must not have slept with my husband, ever.

I realize that these don't sound like much, but I can honestly say that I don't know another single soul besides Chesa that meets them. I know, scary. Now you can see why I want to move as well. If I was really going for the gold, and wanted a friend that could even rival Chesa I would add the following requirements.

1. Must be able to take a shot of whiskey without flinching.
2. Must wear same shoe size as me so I can easily double my choices.
3. Must know how to go muddin in a jeep.
4. Must find all of my annoying qualities endearing.
5. Must not take shit off anybody.

I miss you already, Chesa.