I hear the music again
it has no doubt been a dreary winter. The coldest winter I can remember anyway. Snow and ice, and gray skies. This seems to be the constant, but also the reminder of why I love Spring and Summer. Just when I think that the clouds will never leave, that there isn't really any sky left behind that mess, I am corrected. On my drive home from work, which is about an hour, I watch one of the most incredible sunsets I have seen in a while. I was longing to capture the colors on film, to add to my collection of photos, but felt like I would have been intruding on how very special it was. Orange, blended to magnificent pinks, then to purples, and finally to the blue that comes from the night creeping in. I remember a girl I went to college with. I went to a Christian college, bear that in mind. Christian Colleges have a real problem with spoon feeding the truth to open minds, young minds that are seeking the answers in life. Don't send hate mail if you went to a Christian college. This is my blog, my experiences. I don't get all preachy, that's for damn sure. I was a homeschool kid till I went to high school because of my pastor parents, and my grandparents are pastors, and I've had more than a few sermons to choke on over the years. Back to my story. New minds embrace new ideas like sponges, and I found myself in college surrounded by people who couldn't even wash the dishes without Jesus's help. "That dish water is like Jesus washing away our sins." Baby Christians as they are called in some churches. I was in the company of one of these Baby Christians who just wanted to thank god for the great sunset one evening. Now to the girl. She was red headed and sassy, usually the type I like to hang out with, but I remember something that she said. It was "Jesus doesn't care about the sunsets, or the flowers, those things just happen. Besides, he's got better things to do." I'm sure at the time I rolled my eyes at the conversation, as I do now. I was probably thinking " and I've got better things to do" cause I'm that way. But as I was driving home tonight, I thought of that red head's statement. Could something that wonderful just happen? I don't wear my God on my sleeve, or in scripture on my desk, or my wearing a cross around my neck. Again, nothing wrong with those, I just don't. But when I considered whether or not the sunset just happened, I had to look inside, where I keep my faith. It's WAYYYYYYdown in there, underneath all the armor that I have. Maybe that's why I am talking about it now. Blogging strips away all the pretentious veneers we have. When I have a conversation on here, you're not looking to see how well my clothes are made to determine my social status. You don't see how I carry myself, or the intensity that I shake your hand with. That stuff is all gone, and so we are more exposed, I guess. My faith lives deep inside, my faith that someday, things will be ok. That doing the right thing is still the right thing, even when you get screwed....Continually. The place that acts as a greenhouse for my creativity and dreams. The place that I carry my little brother that was murdered almost 2 years ago. I look there, and I realize that wonderful things don't just happen. They really are important enough to stop and notice.
I entitled this "I hear the music again", because when I looked inside myself, for the good things that I must keep alive, the song writing has begun again. After a year of being gone, the music is back, I can hear it, and it begs to be let out. And I don't think that just happens.