Do you ever feel like you are back in 5th grade, where now you can say....'I have a very best friend'? For most of my school years I was in a class with 6 boys and one girl besides me, and I didn't like the other girl. So, I was a tomboy, I played football, soccer, kickball, whatever the boys played. The girls in the classes ahead and behind me I thought were silly sitting on the sidelines have what I saw as no fun staring at my friends, the boys!!! In high school I had a few friends that were girls, but I mostly had boyfriends. I usually hung out with them and their guy friends. College, I had an extremely annoying room mate that was a HUGE drama queen. I was having none of that. After I moved down here I didn't have any friends. The only people I knew were my husbands relatives, which got REALLY boring after about five minutes. Until I took a job and met Sandy. Sandy was older than I was and invited me to go out with her all of the time. I usually didn't go, I'm really not sure why. Finally, my husband was out of town and Sandy invited me out yet again and I agreed to go. I had one of the best nights of my life. Who knew women could be less than completly selfish and caddy? Not me! I didn't get home until about four in the morning, drunk. Had a hell of a hangover, but deemed it worth it. I started going out with Sandy more often and eventually met Sandys best friend, Chesa. I thought Chesa was the biggest, most intimidating bitch on the planet when I first met her and for a long time after (sorry, ches). For a long time Sandy would throw us all together and I learned more about Chesa and started respecting her for being a very strong and beautiful person. Last summer Sandy, Chesa and I were inseperable. We have MANY secrets together that will never be spilled. Sandy has since made some mistakes with her life and we don't have much contact with her, but that is another story. The point is that Chesa and I have grown very close to each other over the past two years. Her last post got me to thinking about what a different person she has become and how much she has changed me. Chesa has been heard saying the following "I will NEVER get married", "I think I'm beyond finding love", and "I will NEVER have children". You have no idea how impossible that last post of hers is. She has finally met someone that doesn't try to lasso her and hold her down.

Chesa said to me a few months ago something that has stuck with me. She told me that she really didn't understand a healthy relationship and she often looked to my husband and I for a good example. This blew me away. In the past year and a half, my husband and I have gone through major differences and had a lot of problems. Most are now resolved and we have decided to stay together, but when she made that comment I was in the midst of contemplating leaving. I still wonder what she saw that made her say that, but it gave me a weird kind of pride in my relationship. It also made me look at my relationship from another angle and helped me to understand things a bit better. Basically, she changed the course of my life with that comment. I wonder if I have made her change the course of her life by being her friend. I wonder if I'm not part of the reason she is now in love with a great guy. I know that since we have known each other she has softened up a lot. If she would have met this guy a year earlier, she would have stopped calling him after about two weeks, I know that for sure. She would have found another flavor of the week and moved on.

It all makes me wonder how much of life is destiny and how much we can make up as we go along. I think maybe we do meet certain people for certain reasons. Maybe I am part of a master plan. I feel like it lifts a burden off of my shoulders, like thank god, it's NOT all up to me.

Sorry for getting so deep in this post, back to drunken ramblings soon......