Oh, so much to say I hardly know where to begin. First things first, regarding MY last entry. I should not be allowed to blog with having PMS. It just shouldn’t happen. It’s like those old drug commercials with the egg. This is your brain, this is your brain on PMS.

I still meant most of what I said, I just don’t usually feel all of it at the same time. The first fact is I am married, and most the time it does constitute happily. I do have issues with my husband, and not getting enough time to myself, but it is something that we are working on together. I’m very happy that when I do go through one of my crazy spells he is there for me, the problem is sometimes, he is always there. And he always wants to get laid, but I guess that is better than turning away in horror if I’m naked!

I did get out of my hometown. It does drive me nuts that I live in a small town. I miss living in a city and the energy that you get when people are bustling all around you. I am considering moving to a semi-city to work and commuting back and forth so I can have the best of both worlds. Living in the country does have it’s high points, like being able to sit on the front porch and drink beer and look at a field full of grass and watch the sun go down. I must admit, most days I do prefer a streetside bar, being able to watch people from all walks of life go by.

Next issue, my job. Yes, I hate my job. I really loathe it for many reasons, the first one is that it is monotonous. I do the same thing day in and day out. I don’t get to talk to people. I hate that. I feel like I am in cube hell. I can’t even see outside. You wonder why I smoke? So, I have an excuse to see the light of day!!! My boss seriously is an idiot. I work the same place that my husband does, in the same building. Yes, I see him 24/7. The problem with getting a different job in this town is my husbands family has lived here for over 100 years, so they have their enemies or I have issues with working with his immediate family so that doesn’t leave much that pays for shit!!! Also, I just found out that one have my co-workers has been stealing my copy writings and turning them in as her own. BITCH. Can I prove this? No. Grrrrrrr.

So, here is the option I am considering. I’m looking to get a job in sales again, where I can talk to people in a city that is about 90 minutes from where I live now. I can commute one or two days a week, be home for weekends and the rest of the time live with my VERY best friend on the planet, Chesa. I’m not sure if I will LOVE the job, but I am 95% sure that is will be better than what I am doing now, and I can almost double my earnings…. All very good things. So, I think I’m going to seriously consider it. I can always pack up and come back here.

The funny thing is, I used to completely overhaul my life about every two years or so. I’d get a new look, new boyfriend, new career, everything. Sometimes these changes came from me making them, and sometimes they came out of necessity. I never thought about the pattern before, so now that I’m married I’ve realized this is not a complete option. Now, I have to think about how this is going to effect someone else! I don’t know if I consider myself selfish for that or not. I mean, I know I’m VERY selfish, but I’m not sure that considering changing my life direction is selfish if it will make me happier, and a better spouse.

Chesa, thanks again for your response post. Your clarity always amazes me, and how you completely understand my screwy head!