More than anything, it's hard to know that I can't help you in your search for yourself. I've been there, and I wish that fact could justify your unsettlement, that if it's something we all do, that my time could take care of your obligation. But it doesn't. It wouldn't mean as much if didn't have to work for it. 25 years feels like a long time to you? Not hardly. In 25 years you've done so much. You have made great changes. You don't live in your hometown, you've ventured to new places, with a man that loves you, and there are women, hell, there are men that are too afraid to take such big risks. And who says you have to have it figured out, zipped up, and sealed by a certain time in your life? I think there is no ONE goal. There is no ONE thing on the list to get done. I used to. I used to think I was born to do something. Know what I found? That I was missing the little goals and accomplishments when I was focused on the ONE. Maybe the goal is every single day.
Here's the kicker, Julia. It's impossible to find peace within your world, until you've found peace with yourself. You've got a job, not a great one, but a job. And you can find one that you like. It's just your job, it's not who you are. You've got 2 step kids, they're almost grown. You'll have find what you want, whether you have them at home, in college, or just in your life. The stuff around you, it's just that, it's stuff. It's like taking a bus ride with dirty glasses on. There's so much to see and do, and experience, but if your glasses are smugged, and dirty, you'll miss alot. Don't be so concerned and worried about your destination, you'll get there, but you don't want to miss all the good stuff on the way.
No worries, Julia. Your intelligence and creativity far outweigh your good looks, though you've got both in abundance. You are fearless, because taking a look at where you are, figuring out you're not where you want to be, and trying to make it better. That is one of the bravest things you can do.