A Change of View

As I was sitting on the front porch on a sunny Saturday afternoon, drinking a glass of wine and letting tears roll down my face with the rhythm of my favorite song I got to thinking of my views. Chesa was playing guitar and letting loose with the most heart wrenching rendition of Blue Bayou that you could ever imagine. I have heard her sing that song more times than I can count. It never fails to make my eyes water, even when she is singing in on top of the bar. I thought about all of the views I have taken in while letting that song move me. I remembered her singing it in her first apartment in Arkansas when I went down to visit, we sat on her mattress on the floor and I looked out the windows to the streets below. We were having a bit of an impromtu party with people we had never met, they just migrated up from the bar downstairs after closing time. She has sang it at our favorite small town bar about one thousand times. The bar itself has had its own change of view, being destroyed by a tornado and rebuilt, bigger and better. I have watched countless sunsets over the creek water while she's played it. I've heard her sing in drunk as a skunk and as sober as a baptist. I realized that this move may not make my life better, it is a possibility it will make it worse, somehow. I realized that it is more than likely that my life will stay the same, but there will be one big difference. The view will change, the scenery will be better. I will still fight with my stubborn husband. My step children will still do stupid things and drive me crazy. My parents will still come and visit. I will still get bored with the job I have. Chesa and I will still disagree, at times. But the scenery will change. When it all gets to be too much for me and I need a quiet place to think, I will no longer be looking at the field across from my front porch. I will be looking at ocean and gulf water. I will no longer watch the maple tree sway in the breeze to calm me, I will see palm trees and bouginvilla. I will still have late night conversations on the phone with my sister, but instead of doing it while cooking chicken fried steak with white gravy, I'll be yapping while grilling fish with mango sauce. My Mother will still call me on Sunday mornings, but instead of listening to her complaints for the week while seeing tree tops from my bedroom window, I will be on my balcony overlooking the pool. My change of views almost always inspire a change in me. When I moved her, I became more nervous, less sure of myself and my abilities. When I moved to Arkansas I became more flirty. I evolve, I suppose. It is said down there by the locals that everybody that moves there is running away from something. I wonder what I am running away from, my inlaws? my business? the law? (just kidding). Maybe I'm just running for the excercise. I'm just happy because my Mother is finally over her shock and actually trying to make a concentrated effort to understand why I'm leaving here. I will no longer worry about tornados, but I will worry about the hurricane report that is coming out today! What is the likeliness of a hurricane hitting a two mile by four mile island? (Not just knocking on wood over that one, but furiously pounding on the wooden door next to me!) My excitement is building, my impatience is growing and I will have new worries, but I can't wait to see the views from not only a new balcony, but a new mindset.