Happy New Year!

It kind of snuck up on me this year. Trying to get the store going and dealing with pain in the ass friends (not Chesa) and getting ready for Christmas it was like I forgot about New Year's. Its sinking in now. I wish I would have just ignored it. Its pouring cats and dogs today and thats Ok with me. It matches my mood. New Years always make me evaluate my life. I should be very happy this year. I finally have a job I love and adore, I have a best friend that could kick your best friend's ass, I'm fairly financially stable. It should be perfect, right? Thats what hit me, it is except for one thing. You know how when you hit hard times and you say to yourself 'When this part gets better, that other problem will get better'? Well, all of the other problems are fixed besides minor ones and yet that other big one has not resolved itself. If you haven't guessed yet, I'm speaking of my relationship with my husband. I'm wondering why it hit me so suddenly. Maybe my fantasy relationship with him we will never live up to. Maybe we are better together in hard times, in struggle. That is suppose to bring you together, right? Well, isn't it suppose to bring you closer together so you can more enjoy the good times? Thats not how it works with us. The good times come and all of those promises we made to each other to get through the rough spots are forgotten or maybe just ignored. I sometimes think that he only loves me when I'm needy, when I struggle.
I love him, and he really has been great the past few months, but now we've been in the good times for awhile and its like I don't exist unless I get right up in his face. I plan everything we do together and he shows up. Thats about all he does is show up. Doesn't put any effort in, just kind of goes along for the ride without even a smile on his face. If I don't plan anything he just sits on the couch and watches TV and I guess pretends I don't exist. How did I get so invisible so quickly and thouroughly? We went out to dinner last night (after I planned it of course) and I just wanted to have a relaxing evening alone with him and get laid. Everytime I brought up something about sex he would change the subject and talk about the cat being too skinny!!! I finally got where I felt so low and stupid and ugly I could barely see straight. He asked me what was the matter on the way home and I sort of told him and he said 'I don't think I did anything wrong, but it doesn't look like I did anything right either'. That was it exactly. There is more to this story, but I'm not sharing those details, lets just say I asked him a fun and flirty question and he answered with something very honest and not in my favor. It felt a lot like a knife going through me. Anyways that statement that he made rolled around in my head until about 4 this morning. He hit the nail right on the head. Its not so much that he does anything wrong, per se, but more like he doesn't do it right.
Maybe I expect too much. I am a very demanding, impatient person. But I get to thinking maybe I deserve what I wish for. Why shouldn't I? Why should I just resolve to accept what I have with him just because he doesn't do anything 'wrong'?
I guess that is what it boils down to, am I asking too much?